Cactus Jack vs. Triple H - Street Fight - Royal Rumble 2000

PC: Good morning again. Today we brew up another pot of Chase & Sanborn, throw some eggs on the griddle, and enjoy some Mick Foley.

Coach: The DVD has the added bonus of Foley giving an intro about how important this match is to his career. I'm sure you can find it online with your Japanese matches, but without subtitles we would have no idea what they were saying. It might be funnier though.

PC: Foley laments the fact that Mankind had become a children's character as opposed to the terrifying deathmatch wrestler that he had been as Cactus Jack.

Coach: When I was in middle school, we had study hall time where we each had to pick out a book to read. A kid in my class chose Foley's autobiography. Needless to say, we were the best of friends.

PC: Foley dominates HHH in the early going.

Coach: Foley makes up for his lack of technical prowess through "what the fuck is this guy thinking" prowess.

PC: Triple H gets a chair involved and Foley gives him an "it's on" smile. They trade chair shots until Foley decides that it would be even more violent to start laying into Triple H with stiff punches. Then they take into the crowd with Triple H serving as a punching bag.

Coach: Nice little graffiti alley way for the street fight. Garbage cans, loading pallet, bricks...it's a perfect set.

PC: Apparently someone in the Federation didn't do their research as there are no alleys in New York. They trade more punches as they make their way back to the ring.

Coach: Cactus Jack, was he independent for years?

PC: He wrestled in WCW and ECW before this, in addition to wrestling all sorts of crazy death matches in Japan...some which I own.

Coach: And there's the barbed wire. This has to count as cheating, even in a street fight.

PC: Foley takes several barbed wire 2x4 shots to the ribs.

Coach: Destroyed by his own creation.

PC: Barbed wire taken away. No blood yet. Foley socks one of the Spanish announcers.

Coach: Hate crime!

PC: Ref goes down and Foley whales Hunter in the face a couple times. And we have blood!

Coach: I wonder what kind of insurance coverage wrestling refs have.

PC: Foley continues to use the barbed wire board. HHH has the full crimson mask at this point. Foley is still intact, epidermus-wise.

Coach: Foley used a chop on the cut. Now it's a complete match.

PC: Foley sets up Triple H on the announce table and goes for a piledriver. Triple H reverses into a sloppy looking backdrop that doesn't completely collapse the table. It looks five times more painful than it would have otherwise.

Coach: The cut on Triple H's leg is way grosser than the ones on his head.

PC: Triple H takes the barbed wire to the face AGAIN. I forgot how much punishment he took in this one. Foley hits the Cactus Clothesline to the outside. The crowd doesn't seem to know how to react at this point. They are further sickened by Foley taking two horrendously awkward bumps on the ring steps.

Coach: Those were loud. And they looked like they hurt. And Foley isn't the most nimble guy, so it's not like he can gracefully manuever over or around. It just goes straight into it.

PC: Triple H works over the knee with chop blocks and the barbed wire board.

Coach: Ya know, this younger version of Triple H is eerily reminiscent of a more athletic Ultimate Warrior.

PC: Triple H calls back to the previous year's Royal Rumble and handcuffs Foley. No shots of Foley's family crying in the crowd yet though to complete the image. Instead of using a chair like The Rock, Triple H attempts to cave in Foley's already cracked skull with the ring steps. Foley hits a drop toe hold to counter and takes control despite being handcuffed.

Coach: Nice use of the word testicles by King. Made what Foley was doing seem more painful.

PC: Triple H lays into Foley with a chair UNTIL IT FUCKING BREAKS.

Coach: I am speechless. All I can do is quote, "It may be entertainment, but the pain is real. Please. Don't try this at home."

PC: Foley is bleeding from the mouth as Triple H looks to finish him off with another chair in the alley way. That is, until The Rock comes out and hits Triple H with a chair.

Coach: Then a cop comes out and unlocks the handcuffs. There is so much going on in this match.

PC: They take in to the Spanish Announce Table and Foley bounces Triple H's head off the table, which does not break. Might be one of the sicker piledrivers ever executed outside of Memphis.

Coach: Foley takes out a mystery bag. I suspect quarters for his laundry.

PC: Nope, thumbtacks. Foley hammers Triple H until taking a big backdrop right onto the tacks. Foley kicks out of the Pedigree.

Coach: Crowd goes wild!

PC: Triple H adjusts his position and sets up for a pedigree on the tacks.

Coach: NOOOOOOOOO!

PC: This one is over. We close with Triple H collapsing outside the ring and Foley passed out on the mat with thumbtacks (plural) imbedded in his forehead.

Coach: Wait, Foley is up! He drags Triple H back into the ring.

PC: Foley hits Triple H with yet another barbed wire shot to end on a moment of triumph.

Final Thoughts

Coach: I think I've seen parts of this in a highlight video. And that was the best post-finish action that we have yet to see.

PC: Arguably the most violent match in WWF/E history. You expect this kind of thing out of Foley, but Triple H definitely took his share of punishment. Now for another sport predicated on violence, blood, and machismo...Hockey!