PC: For about five minutes, Kaientai DX was the coolest stable in wrestling.
Coach: I already prefer the team with the crab, the tiger, and the dolphin.
PC: Just wait for the boys in blue. I have seen other KDX stuff from around this time, but never this match in particular.
Coach: The dolphin guy got a bigger entrance than his teammates. What a showboat. KDX comes out as a team, like the Patriots in that one Super Bowl.
PC: You will also come to find that KDX has something else in common with the Patriots…cheating.
Coach: Is that a sword embroidered onto that guy’s uniform?
PC: Yes. We start off with Togo and Yakushiji trading armdrags until the tag comes to TAKA and Tiger Mask. They also trade hiptosses and armdrags. Next is Gran Naniwa and Men’s Teioh.
Coach: Teioh looks like the Asian version of Triple H.
PC: Funaki, one of the KDX guys, once beat Triple H. One of the great upsets in WWE history.
Coach: The greatest?
PC: Naniwa does his crab dance and Coach falls in love.
Coach: Why was this guy never in the Royal Rumble for thirty seconds?
PC: Funaki and Hamada tag in. They trade moves until we get our final pairing, Shiryu and Super Delphin. They trade their moves in awesome fashion as well.
Coach: Delphin gets kicked out of the ring and lands in a pile of middle-aged Asian women.
PC: Now that we’re through with introductions, they rotate the pairings. The crowd watches politely and pops for the big stuff. You can tell that they are ready to explode though.
Coach: These guys are fast.
PC: Dick Togo and Gran Hamada beg to differ as they stand in the middle of the ring and trade chops and headbutts. As we go along, each guy on the face team teases a dive.
Coach: Everyone is so nimble. Even the fat guys.
PC: I’m not even gonna try to do a play-by-play from here on out. Or even a sequence-by-sequence.
Coach: Did any of these guys end up doing anything big?
PC: The KDX guys had really disparate career paths. TAKA and Funaki both spent a lot of time in WWE. Funaki, I think, is still there. Togo later became a big factor in Zero-1, Shiryu became Kaz Hayashi in WCW and later was the All Japan Junior Champ. Men’s became a death match wrestler a few years later.
Coach: They all went their separate ways, like in the Sandlot.
PC: KDX dominates Naniwa with quintuple-team moves.
Coach: Love the teamwork. This is how a five-man team should wrestle. I bet they would make a great basketball team. These guys definitely know The Secret. Bill Simmons would be proud.
PC: We settle back into pairings. Well, I guess settle isn’t really the right word at this point.
Coach: There’s so much going on, so much highflying action. And the announcers are completely calm like they’re watching Phil Mickelson on the fourth hole at the Buick Invitational. And yet when two guys are standing in the middle of the ring chopping each other, it’s like Justin Beiber just walked into an all-girls middle school.
PC: Naniwa tries the crabwalk on the ropes but is dropkicked off by TAKA for his troubles. I know I’m not really doing a play-by-play, but that was awesome.
Coach: The guy in red is what I imagine Peter Pan would wrestle like.
PC: KDX targets Peter Pan until he hits most of the team with un-Peter Pan-like spinkicks. Delphin tags in and we get our twentieth dive tease of the match.
Coach: They keep jumping off the ropes though.
PC: You’ll know a dive when you see it. The faces do the Mexican Rowboat thing in the middle of the ring.
Coach: I would call it the Mexican Orgy. Because that’s what it looks like.
PC: WE HAVE A DIVE. All five KDX guys hit huge dives to the outside, including TAKA ending up in the fifth row of the crowd.
Coach: These guys are nuts. They keep jumping on each other from high places.
PC: And now we trade finishers. Togo and Hamada up first.
Coach: Those two are built like post office boxes…or…I’ll figure it out later.
PC: Crowd is loving it. Oh to be Japanese in 1996. It comes to a close when Dick Togo hits an absolutely vicious fat man senton on Super Delphin. KDX mocks the faces, including Great Sasuke who has made his way to ringside.
Final Thoughts
Coach: The turning point of that match was “Midway” through.
PC: I didn’t think you’d get your WWII reference in, but you came through. Awesome match that everyone who likes to be entertained should see.
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