PC: Nowhere to run Coach. We're inside four sides of steel and I hope you left you panties at home.
Coach: Mullet!
PC: Yes, Magnum TA had a mullet.
Coach: I have heard of neither of these guys.
PC: Magnum TA was extremely popular and probably would have been a multiple-time world champion if he hadn't been in a career-ending car wreck. Blanchard was an asshole that's now a Born-Again.
Coach: Both these dudes are pretty hairy. You don't see that nowadays. The Cenas and Batistas of the world seem to wax before every match.
PC: They go right to it and there's nothing pretty about this one. Lots of clutching and punching.
Coach: The woman at ringside is COVERED in glitter. And again, the ring is stained with blood before the match even starts.
PC: In all honesty, it's probably the same dirty ring mat that they were using in the last match that we watched. Which took place two years before this one. Magnum TA in control in the early going.
Coach: I haven't seen enough use of the steel cage yet.
PC: This match is not about the cage. It's about hate.
Coach: The ref checks the mic in the middle of the match. I guess this one is being contested on the honor system. And by the way, the ref seems so bored. "Yep, just another night of fake reffing. Guess I should probably stop these guys from choking each other. Or not." You know, wrestling ref would be the perfect job for you.
PC: Coach, there is a great match going on here.
Coach: But look at the ref! "Hey guys, you can't do that. You shouldn't bite his head. *sigh* Whatever.
PC: Blanchard nails Magnum's open wound with the microphone and we hear an awesome dull impact. Tully punishes Magnum's cut with hard right hands.
Coach: Meanwhile, the ref gingerly returns the microphone to the corner. Next he'll be smoking a cigarette and leaning on the turnbuckle.
PC: Blanchard punches Magnum in the face with the microphone. He drops a couple elbows and it looks like all is lost until Magnum rolls out of the way. Magnum in control with some big punches of his own.
Coach: I'm wondering what kind of training the refs have to go through. "Do you like wrestling?" "Yes." "Okay, check. Can you take a fake punch to the face?" "Yes." "Good. Good. Can you count to three." "Yes." "Great, the job's yours."
PC: Both guys are on their knees in the middle of the ring, punching each other in the face. Magnum comes out on top and forces the microphone into Tully's face. Tully kicks him away and eventually hits a reverse atomic drop from the second rope.
Coach: If hitting a guy in the face with the microphone is legal, why even have the ref? Tully throws the useless, bored ref across the ring. Then he kicks him. Occupational hazard!
PC: Baby Doll throws a wooden folding chair into the ring and Tully breaks it. He then goes after Magnum with a sharp scrap of wood.
Coach: "Hey guys, ease up with the wooden stake stabbing."
PC: Magnum essentially say, "Fuck that." After kicking Tully away, Magnum grabs the sharp piece of wooden wreckage and absolutely gauges Tully's forehead. Blood is streaming out like a faucet.
Coach: Wow.
PC: Tully quits! We have a winner! The crowd loses their collective shit and so do I.
Final Thoughts
PC: An absolute classic.
Coach: Much more violent than I expected. Unlike the referee, I was highly entertained. Disappointed by the relative lack of steel cage use. However, this is more than off-set by the microphone and wooden stake usage.
PC: We will be back soon with more historic US Title matches that I also happen to own.
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