PC: I remember this match. One of my favorites ever on free TV. This was actually during my favorite two week span of wrestling ever. After Wrestlemania 17, The Rock left to go make movies. With Steve Austin turning heel, that left the WWE with no established top faces to go after the title. The solution? Elevate Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit. It started with them winning the tag titles and then going into a match with Steve Austin & Triple H. This is the famous match where Triple H tore his quad and limped through the finish. Coach, you may know it from the “Don’t try this at home” video on every show.
Coach: Ah, interesting. There’s my Fact of the Day.
PC: Then, on Smackdown, Austin used his influence to force Benoit & Jericho to defend the belts in a TLC match against the Dudleyz, the Hardyz (yes, they both used “Z” as a plural), and Edge & Christian. Another great match that has a ton of highlight reel moments. Then, the next week on Raw, Jericho got a shot at Austin’s title and they had ANOTHER great match. When Smackdown rolled around, it was Benoit’s turn to go after Austin’s title. In Edmonton, his hometown. I wonder if Benoit would deliver…
Coach: So basically, this is like watching Lost, beginning in Season 4.
PC: Picking up Pro Wrestling at this time would be like watching Lost beginning in Season 40. Let’s do this!
Coach: Oh no. Vince McMahon makes his entrance in a ref shirt with cut-off sleeves.
PC: Vince is pretty much the Smoke Monster except more evil. He announces that he will be the “special enforcer” for the match tonight. Austin comes out and the Canadian crowd hates him, as they always have. This one the one week where Austin’s heel turn REALLY worked.
Coach: If Vince had sleeves, would that negate his role as Special Enforcer?
PC: Benoit in control to start with chops, shoulderblocks, and stomps. Austin gets the advantage back and works Benoit’s injured ribs to the tune of a deafening “Austin sucks” chant. Benoit goes for an early crossface but Austin makes the ropes. Another crossface but Austin makes the ropes. ANOTHER crossface and Austin again makes the ropes. AGAIN! Austin struggles more this time but finally makes the ropes.
Coach: One more?? No.
PC: Benoit goes to the outside and throws Benoit across the announce table. Austin bumps huge on the outside for everything Benoit does. Austin goes back to the ribs and grabs the belt, looking for the intentional DQ. Ref goes down in the struggle and Benoit hits several chops. DDT on the title!
Coach: This could be it! History! Best “something” of all time!
PC: Benoit goes for the Diving Headbutt but Austin gets the title up. Austin with the cover, but Benoit with the emphatic kick out at two. Another cover, another two. Austin with punches and another cover with the same result.
Coach: This crowd is awesome.
PC: Austin with a sharpshooter on Benoit!
Coach: Oooh, I know about this! That’s a Bret Hart move. In Canada no less.
PC: Benoit powers out into a Sharpshooter of his own.
Coach: Vince has yet to enforce anything.
PC: Austin powers out and goes into yet another Sharpshooter. Benoit makes the ropes, but Austin pulls him back into the middle of the ring for another Sharpshooter. Benoit counters AGAIN and we get another Sharpshooter.
Coach: I hope the rest of the match is all Sharpshooters.
PC: Both guys struggle to their feet. Benoit goes for a German Suplex but Austin hangs onto the ropes and nails him with a low blow. Austin goes to the top for some reason but Benoit cuts him off and nails him with punches. Benoit hits an especially reckless superplex. Austin kicks out.
Coach: Michael Cole is making history tonight. He has said the words “new champion” on a once-every-two-seconds clip.
PC: Back on the outside, Austin dumps Benoit rib first across the announce table. Ouch. Austin drops Benoit again, but this time Benoit lands on the top of his head after his ribs bounce off the corner of the announce table. That one hurt me just sitting here.
Coach: Let’s see a UFC fighter do that.
PC: Austin tosses Benoit into the ring steps a couple times before throwing him back into the ring. Another “Austin Sucks” chant as Austin punishes Benoit’s ribs. Austin mocks Benoit with the belt. Man, Austin rocked as a bad guy.
Coach: Cole puts Austin’s thoughts into elegant words. I’m not sure Austin knows half of those words.
PC: Benoit with a come back that is cut off by an Austin spinebuster. Austin goes for the Walls of Jericho and the crowd fucking HATES Austin. Benoit makes the ropes. Austin further beats on Benoit but Benoit gains momentum. Benoit counters a Stone Cold Stunner and hits three German Suplexes. Make that 4.
Coach: Fuck hat tricks. Benoit likes to do things in fours.
PC: Five! Six!
Coach: Correction. He likes to do things in sixes.
PC: Seven! Eight! Nine!
Coach: A Hat Trick of a Hat Trick! A Hate Trick, perhaps.
PC: Ten! Benoit with the Crossface. Vince comes into the ring and knocks out the ref. He swings the chair at Benoit but Benoit meets him with a low blow. Benoit beats Vince with the chair but Austin rolls him up from behind, uses the tights for leverage, and gets the shady win.
Final Thoughts
PC: As good as I remembered. Might have to download that entire month of main events. Too bad it took them three more years to finally put the title on Benoit. And too bad Benoit, ya know, killed his family.
Coach: Ten suplexes, six crossfaces, what felt like forty sharpshooters. That’s a match I can get behind.
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