PC: The final match of our US Title marathon. This one comes to us from Wrestlemania XX, which I distinctly remember watching at a Hooter's in Syracuse.
Coach: I distinctly remember not watching it.
PC: Cena out first with his original theme song. Somehow it is even more irritating than his current theme song.
Coach: Cena seems to be a little more hip-hop at this point. He definitely doesn't talk like this anymore. And he doesn't say "Word Life." And he seems to have left the rhyming behind as well.
PC: Cena is wearing a Patrick Ewing Knicks jersey. I guess he doesn't care about winning in MSG.
Coach: The biggest difference between John Cena and R-Truth: Cena is a wrestler/rapper, R-Truth is a rapper/wrestler.
PC: Here comes Big Show. He has greasy hair and a thunderstache and has never looked better.
Coach: This is sort of a remix of the Hogan vs. Andre the Giant match.
PC: Show controls at the start with his lazy power offense.
Coach: This is also sort of a remix of the Robin Hood vs. Little John fight in the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood.
PC: Cena fights back but Big Show halts his momentum with a clothesline. Show with a big bodyslam that leaves him completely out of breath.
Coach: One might also suggest that this is a remix of Indiana Jones vs. the big Nazi by the airplane.
PC: Big Show hits a delayed suplex and then toys with Cena.
Coach: Or a remix of Indiana Jones vs. the big Hindu guy in Temple of Doom.
PC: Cena fights back and rushes at Big Show only to be met with a thrust kick.
Coach: Reminiscent of Rocky vs. Thunderlips. A remix of said match, perhaps.
PC: Cena locks in a sleeper hold but Big Show buries him into the turnbuckle.
Coach: This is kind of a remix of Jet Li vs. anyone he's ever fought.
PC: Big Show puts a Cobra Clutch on Cena. I didn't think Big Show even knew that move existed.
Coach: This is sort of a remix of Jason Statham vs. a Dinosaur.
PC: Cena fights out of the hold with several punches to the gut. Then to the chest. Then to the face. Cena hits a dropkick to the knee. Cena gets Big Show up for the F-U/Attitude Adjustment, hits it, but only gets two! Cena is at a loss.
Coach: Can't you just see it though? Statham roundhouses a raptor and goes, "You're fossil fuel."
PC: Referee gets distracted and Cena hits a brass knuckles-assisted punch. He lifts Big Show again and hits another FU for the win.
Final Thoughts
Coach: That match was sort of a remix of the climactic fight scene in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.
PC: I like 2010 Cena a lot more than 2004 Cena. Well, I hope you all enjoyed our look back at the great US Title matches (that I was able to find on short notice). I hope to do more of these theme marathons in the future.
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