PC: Oh boy. I was afraid of this day. Chris Benoit, for a length of time, was my favorite wrestler. The guy could do it all in the ring, came off as a legit badass, and seemed like a great guy. Then he killed his family. Awkward.
Coach: I always thought Canadians were mild mannered.
PC: Eddie Guerrero was also a great wrestler. He died while brushing his teeth. Sad, but at least it didn't ruin everyone's view of professional wrestling. Anyway, they had a US Title match way back in 2003.
Coach: So I guess both of these guys kinda lose in the end. What a downer.
PC: We will just have to drown our sorrows with more tortilla chips. To the match!
Coach: Someone in the crowd is holding an "Eddie Deserves an Oscar" sign. I think I saw a similar sign for Peter O'Toole at last year's Oscars.
PC: Here comes Benoit.
Coach: These guys are both pretty old-looking. Watching old people fight is one of my favorite past times. They are in their late 30's, which is like 100 in wrestling years.
PC: Hard collar and elbow tie up to start. Guerrero with a tight hammerlock to start but Benoit escapes and hits a big shoulderblock.
Coach: This ref is really into it. It's like he actually thinks he has a job or a say in what's going on.
PC: They trade counters on the mat until Eddie hits a big shoulderblock of his own. Guerrero stays in control and works the arm of Benoit. We get an incredible flurry of reversals and pin attempts that ends with Benoit sliding out of the ring to regroup.
Coach: Benoit's pants say "Toothless Aggression." That doesn't really make me shake with fear. Probably the only thing about Benoit that doesn't make me shake with fear.
PC: Guerrero stays on top with a headlock. Benoit manages to reverse out of a tombstone position and hit a shoulderbreaker. He locks on the Crossface but Guerrero makes the ropes and goes to the outside. Benoit hits a HUGE suicide dive to the outside.
Coach: Suicide Dive...awkward.
PC: Yeah...
Coach: ...
PC: Back in the ring, Benoit has a half-nelson on Guerrero to further soften up the shoulder.
Coach: I wonder if Guerrero's pants say "Toothless Aggression" in Spanish. Talk about awkward.
PC: Yeah...
Coach: ...
PC: Guerrero in control again after hitting a back elbow on a charging Benoit.
Coach: You know, there's a good chance that Eddie is powering through a heart attack at this very moment in the match like Chris Farley in that old SNL Da Bears sketch.
PC: Guerrero with an All Japan style backdrop. Hey, that's the move that killed Misawa. Awkward...
Coach: Yeesh, this match is a minefield.
PC: Eddie follows up with an armbar. Benoit powers out an takes control with a backdrop of his own. He then positions Guerrero on the top rope and hits a GIGANTIC back drop driver from the top rope. Delay on the cover and Guerrero is able to kick out. Benoit hits a German Suplex. And another. He goes for a third. Eddie counters. Benoit counters the counter with the crossface! Eddie makes the ropes.
Coach: No let up in this one.
PC: Eddie recovers and hits two suplexes of his own. He finishes off the hat trick with a big superplex. Guerrero goes for the frog splash but Benoit rolls out of the way. Benoit hits his fucking awesome powerbomb that he saved for the big matches. Another crossface and again Guerrero makes the ropes.
Coach: The ref goes down like a champ. This guy is okay by me.
PC: Guerrero nails Benoit with the belt while the ref is down. Guerrero hits the frog splash and the ref recovers enough to count TWO! ONLY TWO! Guerrero can't believe it. Eddie goes for the belt again.
Coach: He hit the ref! Nice. Then Eddie plays dead and acts like it was Benoit. How did the Academy overlook this performance.
PC: Benoit recovers and slaps the crossface on yet again. Eddie taps but the ref is still down. Benoit tries to wake up the ref, Eddie makes a run at him with the belt but Benoit hits a German Suplex. Benoit goes for the diving headbutt but Eddie pulls the ref into the line of fire.
Coach: Man, I hope that guy's getting payed extra.
PC: Rhyno comes out and hits the gore on Benoit. Guerrero goes to the top and hits another frog splash, this time for the three count.
Coach: Post-match Cole predicts that Eddie will win an Oscar someday. He didn't.
Final Thoughts
Coach: We need to see more Benoit. At the same time, I can see why you stopped watching wrestling for awhile after the incident.
PC: More Benoit, for sure. I'll try to make it a less awkward matchup next time. More US Title goodness to come...
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